Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
