Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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