remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize