Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
