when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize