So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
