just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
