I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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