ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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