Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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