Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It all started with a game of naked twister.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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