2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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