I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
