it wasn't lemon gatorade
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
