just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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