I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I supernannyed him into submission
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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