And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
