I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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