it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
