have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize