so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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