We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
