i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize