It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's rum buckets o'clock
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
