So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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