I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
