The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
