did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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