I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just pynch a tree in the face
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
