Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize