Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
