She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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