i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
