Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
