No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She bit a glass in half.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
