Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
