Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
