New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
