ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
