They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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