Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
