What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i came on her dog
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
