Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just cropdusted the office
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize