CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
