Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
