His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
