Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
