True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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