I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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