You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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