It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
