you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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