Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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