You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
