had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
