is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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