Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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