My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize