I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
