This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
