He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Drake has all the answers
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