I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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