I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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