I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
