whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
