Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize