I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
