dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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