She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
