dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need a burrito and a hug.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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