your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
