i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
