so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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