This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
