dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize