This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
