I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize