We need to rekindle our bromance
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
