How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
