i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
