Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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