Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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