if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like a drive thru vagina
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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