Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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