So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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