Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
