her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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