so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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