I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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