why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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