if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
