you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
