No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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