My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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