I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
