Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
