just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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