did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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