how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
